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11:10:00 17 September 2008
Two of my close uncles had passed on.
Bapak( My 1st auntie's husband) had left us when I was about Primary 4/5. He had succumbed to leukemia after a long war. Though he had been gone for a long time, his memories are still etched fresh in everyone's mind. Mak never really moved on. She did not remarry and his photos are still displayed all over her house. His presence is still so very strong.
He was my first uncle and I was really doted by him. He would use his toes to pinch me, saying "Ketam! Ketam!"(Crab) and buy whatever I wished for. I just had to ask. Though I remembered that he breathed his last when Tok was reciting Al-Fatihah, I cant remember how I managed to overcome the emotions. Perhaps, I was still young therefore reality does not seem to be that cruel.
With Abah, all the emotions, pain and longing are still very fresh. Sometimes, we had to pretend that Abah is at Sedili( he owned a holiday house ever since he retired.) Facade, but it made the pain bearable. Nenek cries everyday on her prayer mat while Tok would sometimes just stop eating in a middle of a meal and look down. Ayah would say that he misses his brother suddenly and Umi( Abah's wife) is getting thinner and thinner. For me, a day never passed without me hugging his shirt that I took from his wardrobe as a memory. Sometimes, I feel like I could smell him. Or is it just my imagination?
Therefore, my whole extended family have decided to adorn simple baju kurung for this raya.
As this would be our first Raya without Abah.
We had actually planned to have grey as a common colour this raya. Even Nenek's cloth had been bought.
It was cancelled though and we came to an agreement that for this raya ; Simplicity is the key.
Darlz, this will be our first Raya together yet I am not excited about it that much.
In fact, I am probably wearing my previous year shoes and bag as they still seem new.
Im sorry if I am short of the 'semangat nak raya'.
Thank you Darlz for understanding my situation and respecting my decision.
It really does take time. I love you so.